Category Archives: relationship abuse
To delve through this heap of trash piled high before my eyes
From the cold dark black reaper who brought down our blameless lives
How could I have borne his children? Played the virulent role of wife?
Those I loved and raised through sunshine and tears
Carried in my body nine months; love endlessly through years
Tried to mull through all the mire; should have left once more than many times
But you love(d) him so it seemed no matter what or why
You have no conception of the countless nights I cried… and died
Survival often times dictates that we create our own reality
And you live yours as I do mine… and for me it’s desolate right now
Since my very soul, it bleeds.
For I am a person of flesh, blood and bones, no validation needed, I am me and me I own.
But words defy how icy cold I feel to be me standing endlessly alone.
And I don’t have to agree with your philosophies, principles or how you live your life
I discern you are you and though I feel it is unequivocally fundamental to have been loyal and true
I will never beg for the same gifts of trust, respect and loyalty from a superfluous you.
I won’t ask those things of anyone but I know what’s right for me
And degradation and betrayal choke my life-blood, currently to an insurmountable degree.
And it will do the same to you because, as you will someday see
Perhaps long after I’ve departed from your life, maybe for eternity
You have blamed, berated, and slandered me for every adversity in your life
I’ve allowed you to smash me down to nobody and worship the “powers” that you perceive to “be”.
And for those insolent trivial persons you bashed in my skull and left me here to bleed
Only when karma comes around to you will you wake up and see the deed
And it’s all so dirty, not so pretty, so I’ll remove myself and hold my peaceful solid ground
And I’ll stand for what I believe; and care not a scrap for the (crap) that they fling around.
Because words cut deep for a little while and indifference prickles my heart
But disloyalty can never be quite ever squared for it breaks the foundation of unconditional love
Without which we all crumble around into the sacred ground that used to house our hearts.
Sharon Lynn Van Meter
Copyright May 22, 2013
Never judge anyone. Never allow anyone to judge you. Never think you know everything because you don’t. Never cower and NEVER NOT DO anything and everything in your power that you believe to be true and right and just and morally sound simply because others may not approve or agree. What you do or say just may save a life-yours, theirs, or many, many more. Do not blindly follow anyone because NO ONE knows everything…. or really anything. If people blindly conform to and follow without question “The Establishment/Dictatorial Authority” then they lose their God-given autonomy and this blind submission can (and usually does) result in acts of cruelty, inhumane treatment, destruction and/or death.
Blindly following and not standing for your own moral convictions is the reason for world anarchy and our own inner chaos. All loss of life and murder is immoral no matter what the “justification”. The destruction of another person’s spirit either by blatantly attacking them or by deliberately dismissing them is tragic and cause for extreme sadness-for what you give (or deny) will be given back to you (or withheld from you) in turn. Pay it forward. Do something good for someone else every day and don’t expect anything back from them. All true heroes had the courage, conviction and moral fortitude to stand up against an “establishment of power and authoritarian configuration”…and that’s why they are deemed Super Heroes. They had the moral conviction and courage to speak out and do something to change things for the better and most often saved lives. This I call refined indignation….standing firmly with dignity, grace and honor.
Smile when you feel like crying because smiles are contagious and produce powerful endorphins. Participating in rudeness and disregarding people is cruel and deplorable. Love with your entire heart, soul and mind. And then love some more. Cruelty to another human being is wrong no matter what the “supposed justification”. Respect and loyalty are not options but requirements in all positive and healthy relationships and literally essential for any relationship to even exist. No one should feel badly about themselves just because another person or persons may not agree with their beliefs, their faith, their looks, their lifestyle, etc. Just be in the moment and love in the moment. Give to those who will receive you, breathe in your life, and then love some more again.
Sometimes we must do or say things in order to try to help others even though they don’t want our help or even realize that they need it. We must do this no matter how much it hurts us or them because we love them so much. This usually comes under the heading of “I did it for your own good” and typically is for our children. In fact we have NO right to do this to another adult- who is not our child- unless they ask for our help or are in a life or death situation and/or are unable to ask for the help they need. That is the time we must help them. Children (even adult) usually do not realize that it really does hurt us more than it hurts them and we must accept their hatred and rejection (hopefully for only a little while-although perhaps even a lifetime) because we do love them so much. Parents would give their lives for their children and until you are a parent you will not understand this. If you are then it does not even need to be spoken.
If a person does not want you in their life, stop trying to be in it. To continue to try to be in a person’s life who does not want you or accept you for who you are is detrimental to you. We all need love and acceptance. We cannot live and thrive with rage, hatred, mercilessness, and emotional exclusion. It is very healthy to argue and express our opinions and very unhealthy not to express them. To reject someone simply because they did express their beliefs shows that a person is unable to accept anyone else’s beliefs that differ from those of their own. Persons like this cannot truly love another because in order to love another you must accept them for who they are and no two people will ever have all the identical beliefs and convictions. Everyone is unique. This must be accepted by both persons in a relationship or the relationship cannot exist.
Forgive everyone freely and if they cannot forgive you, move on. You don’t need them in your life. You cannot change anyone else; you can only change yourself and people in healthy relationships recognize and understand this realism. The push and pull will always be a battle but if you love someone enough and want them in your life, you accept them for who they are and do not try to change them. There is a healthy give and take and freedom of expression in all successful lasting relationships.
Everyone should be able to express their feelings and emotions without fear of rejection. Repressing ones emotions only leads to serious and sometimes fatal consequences. Accept a person’s feelings. Validate them. You do not have to agree with them, but you do have to respect them-if you want them in your life. If someone asks for your advice, give it, if not, don’t. Never gossip. Be loyal to those you love. Without loyalty, there is no relationship. Try to always be there emotionally to support those you care about in your life. They should ideally do the same for you. Support is essential.
Never try to force your beliefs or opinions upon others. People should be free to openly express their beliefs and should expect those beliefs to be accepted whether they are shared or not. Choose your battles wisely. But always fight for what (and who) you believe in. And try to do it as peacefully and tactfully as possible. Don’t fight people, but do not allow them to disrespect, degrade and trample on you either. Communicate to them if they have hurt you. If they cannot acknowledge your feelings and refuse to apologize for hurting you, move on. If you apologize sincerely to someone but they refuse to forgive you because you have hurt them in any way, move on. And if anyone refuses to allow you into their life, move right along. Your life is short and you do not have the time or energy to dwell on other people’s issues. You can only do your best, love, forgive, accept and then move on. Do not fight people, but do fight “The Establishment”… of any “System” that is run by a group of people called “authorities” whose laws/rules/prohibitions/actions you feel directly or indirectly exert a detrimental control, force and/or affect over those whom you love and care about.
Open dialogue and communication (whether passionate and heated or not) if done in a respectful manner is very healing to both parties in a relationship (and all humans for that matter!). Disagreeing with someone else does not mean you do not respect them, in fact if you do respect them you should have the maturity to engage in stimulating dialogue and debate and come away with a stronger relationship than ever, respecting one another’s beliefs and reveling in their diversity. This is because we are all different and no one should expect another person to conform to their beliefs (religious, political, moral, etc.) and that be a condition as to whether they are accepted into their life-or not. If that be the case, then we are all doomed and that is why the world is in such a state. Although this may be the natural progression of lawlessness in our society, should we submit to such behavior? Or should we not live and die for righteousness, peace and love for one another? Was that not what HE taught and how HE lived?
Everyone wants to be heard but no wants to listen and everyone hates to admit they just may not be right or even accept that they probably are wrong-about just about everything they believe in at this moment in time. But that does not make it irrelevant and less important-for our beliefs, morals and convictions make us who we are and give us reasons to live.
Join causes that you believe are morally right and fight hard for them. Do not be afraid to be heard. Love humanity. Love this earth. Love this Universe. It is your home. Above all, love your fellow man. Never be averse to learning something new. Always have an open mind. It just may change your outlook on everything and, by extension, your entire life. Always believe in yourself, no matter what others say or do to you. Everyone, flawed as we all are, is beautiful in their own unique way. God does not create ugly. If we allow ourselves to be controlled by evil, then it will usually consume a vast degree of our beauty and that is tragic. But that is life. We must accept the flow of existence, the natural order that our Creator established, but we must reject the unnatural disorder that “man”, most often in an “establishment and totalitarian” manner, attempts to assert upon us through their collective created beliefs and ideas which usually are completely in contrast to the moral code of God’s and nature’s laws.
Believe this: The only thing we really know is what we believe to be truth here and now and that is merely our perception of reality which is essentially nothing but our own blind faith-without which we truly are nothing.
Sharon Lynn Van Meter
- 45 Characteristics of Healthy Relationships + The Secret to Applying Them (toddlohenry.com)
- “Hate the Belief, not the Believer…” (kestalusrealm.wordpress.com)
- (REPOST): How to Remain Balanced When Someone Accuses You of Being Too Negative by MELISSA KARNAZE (squisheddiorama.wordpress.com)
- Who is the Judge? (aphilbrookfall2012.wordpress.com)
- Values, Morals, Standards, Rule of Law… (onemorecup.wordpress.com)
- One Thing I Will Never See Totally in My Life – Rainbow in the Dark – Acceptance – I Am Jamie Lee, and I, at Least Accept Myself! (jamieleescrystalconnection.wordpress.com)
- When Trust Crumbles (coachirisblogs.com)
- Give yourself time to know your partner (buildingahappyrelationship.wordpress.com)
- Committed To Misunderstanding (jaxremoteviewing.com)
Seems my brain collides
With everybody’s rain
And it pours
And it pours
God it pours
How can I soak up the excess?
Clean out the chaos?
I’m in a nightmare
My life is written everywhere
In bits and pieces
Of the sky
I give my best
But it’s never good
The walls are tight
They punch me
Knock out my breath
I want out of this mess
Out to live
You screwed me
And he did
And he did
And he did
My thoughts come crashing
I’m killing you
Out of my mind
My brain collides with everybody’s rain
And nobody sees my pain
Sharon Lynn Van Meter
Your hands nauseate me in a sick cry to my throat
Why didn’t you just end it when you had the chance?
Now you drag it around like your own whipping post
You can’t stare like a fool at those treacherous hands
Without feeling my fingers float over your skin
And the way I climbed under it that hurt you so good
Will haunt your desperate dreams again and again
While your frozen heart burns with the last cry that you heard
Hell hath no fury like my battered soul on that night
When you broke in to spades the foundation we laid
Drudgeries bullet you bite fires my vengeful delight
May you never again know love like the love that we made
Sharon Lynn van meter