To delve through this heap of trash piled high before my eyes
From the cold dark black reaper who brought down our blameless lives
How could I have borne his children? Played the virulent role of wife?
Those I loved and raised through sunshine and tears
Carried in my body nine months; love endlessly through years
Tried to mull through all the mire; should have left once more than many times
But you love(d) him so it seemed no matter what or why
You have no conception of the countless nights I cried… and died
Survival often times dictates that we create our own reality
And you live yours as I do mine… and for me it’s desolate right now
Since my very soul, it bleeds.
For I am a person of flesh, blood and bones, no validation needed, I am me and me I own.
But words defy how icy cold I feel to be me standing endlessly alone.
And I don’t have to agree with your philosophies, principles or how you live your life
I discern you are you and though I feel it is unequivocally fundamental to have been loyal and true
I will never beg for the same gifts of trust, respect and loyalty from a superfluous you.
I won’t ask those things of anyone but I know what’s right for me
And degradation and betrayal choke my life-blood, currently to an insurmountable degree.
And it will do the same to you because, as you will someday see
Perhaps long after I’ve departed from your life, maybe for eternity
You have blamed, berated, and slandered me for every adversity in your life
I’ve allowed you to smash me down to nobody and worship the “powers” that you perceive to “be”.
And for those insolent trivial persons you bashed in my skull and left me here to bleed
Only when karma comes around to you will you wake up and see the deed
And it’s all so dirty, not so pretty, so I’ll remove myself and hold my peaceful solid ground
And I’ll stand for what I believe; and care not a scrap for the (crap) that they fling around.
Because words cut deep for a little while and indifference prickles my heart
But disloyalty can never be quite ever squared for it breaks the foundation of unconditional love
Without which we all crumble around into the sacred ground that used to house our hearts.
Sharon Lynn Van Meter
Copyright May 22, 2013